Friday, October 19, 2012
Who I Am
I’m a seeker of truth on the quest for Bohemia. I’ve lost my way on my journey by being blinded by conformity. It’s a battle I’ve waged inside since I can remember, never fully conscious of what it was I was at odds with. It’s not about money but a pursuit in which I live true to my ideals.
Bohemia fuels me with an undying passion in which I always return. I approach it from the outside looking in, supporting those who have the abilities I don’t. I learn from them, grow from them and become better because of them. Some call it their natural ability, others their instincts… I see it as the art speaking through them. How they approach it with ease with no regard for it’s meaning, just a part of who they are.. streaming and speaking through them. They are the profits through which the art flows. This is my weakness… My strength is in seeing and appreciating what they’ve done, helping to mold it, shape it, and nurture it. Learning from what they can translate as experience through art and use that inspiration as I dissect their intent to create new. Emulating their visions, and building upon them, shaping them as a vision of my own.
I am a supporter of art in a quest to create. Bohemia isn’t just an ideal, it’s a community. A community of artists, philosophers, and creatives all seeking the truth through art. That’s who I gravitate to, that’s who I align myself with, and that’s who I am. I’ve awoken from my coma that’s kept me from the truth. Their approaches might be misaligned but their journey is still the same.
Up until this point my fears towards nonconformity have guided me to live not to the truest of my potential. I fear a lack of money but have found a version of Bohemia for now, in a job that helps me to support artists, learn from them, and grow from them. I’m surrounded by people with similar ideals but vastly different approaches. What I’ve lacked is being unable to admit the truth, the truth that I’m a nonconformist, a broken mold, unique and different from what society deems normal, and a seeker that’s lacked the creative exploration within myself. I haven’t been utilizing the knowledge I’ve gained and the ways I’ve grown through those I surround myself with on this island where I’m not alone.
From this day forward I seek to release from with that which screams to get out. My voice, my truth, my creativity, my vision, and myself. It’s where I am now but won’t be always, where I’ll always be is a mystery of geography even to myself. However, it will be a lesson in truth… In truth I might seem to wander or be lost, but the reality is I’ve always known what I’ve been searching for. A place within called Bohemia… It’s the purest form of me, where nonconformity rules, where it’s okay to be who I am. That is who I am, that’s what I love, and that’s who I’ll always be. This is my truth, this is my destiny, this is my safety, this is my heart… and home is where the heart is.In short, I am different by the norms of society. I don’t conform and need to stop living my life based on what other people say is normal. I’ve been trying and putting in way too much effort to try to be something I’m not, I’m not meant to conform to the mold, I’m meant to break the mold. Materialism doesn’t bring fulfillment, a house, a car, they still leave me empty inside. What fulfills me is being a wanderer, a woman on a journey, with goals, hopes, dreams and aspirations that I need to fulfill. It is Bohemia, living amongst artists and creating for the pure need to create in the communities surrounded by people willing and wanting to collaborate for the sake of expressing ourselves. It’s been a rough journey so far, but one I’ve needed to take. I’ve been fake with myself, my happiness is being surrounded by those people who form the community of Bohemia, those that have deep connections and understanding, and stand up for the same ideals.
La Vie Boheme